With me...

And there you were with that smile upon your face. Your beautiful green eyes, dark hair, and smiling lips. I remember the first time I met you, as if it was yesterday. It was in that school, wasn’t it? We were both kids, and when our eyes met, we could not understand the vast meaning this chance encounter would have for us. At least, it was like that for me. I remember meeting you; it was as if no one else was in the room with us. We did not exchange names; there was no reason for us to do so. I knew you without needing to know your name. I knew you from that day on as the one who would live within my heart. But life is often beyond the control of children, and we were separated. It would be a whole year before we would meet again. Same place, similar circumstances. But your smile was gone, something was amiss. What sort of danger loomed around the corner of the hallowed halls of your mind? What was the menace that caused you such grief? I was but a mere child, but I knew you were worried. I knew you well enough for that. But then games started changing what was happening between us. We would pretend I could protect you from whatever was tormenting you. I pretended to be your hero, you sincerely felt protected with me. But why, please tell me why, was this the last time we would be together as children? These two chance encounters touched me, changed me, but we were no longer together, and instead, I was left with a fleeting memory of your existence. Growing up means that what happened in the past if often swallowed by the rush of new experiences. But you were there, a distant memory, but very much close in my heart and soul. Was it love? Back then I could not tell.

And we grew up. I would be a teenager the next time we would meet. A chance encounter in a park, a chance encounter under the prying eyes of nature. We were together, and yet you felt more distant than ever before. But what really happened beyond the conversation? Do you remember? Something still worried you, but this time, I could not pretend to be your hero. The loss of our childish imagination meant that I could no longer pretend to my shining armour, and I could no longer pretend that your troubles were monsters to be vanquished. And so we talked. And my affection for you grew deeper. Did you feel that way? Did you feel that we were together, united, beyond friendship, beyond words? Can you love a complete stranger? Because beyond these three encounters, it was what you were. I never asked for your name, I never asked who you were. These things seemed superficial and useless at the time. And yet, they gained such a meaning now. You never wondered about me, have you? I was there, trying to help, but I didn’t know if I was doing anything. But we walked, and while I cannot remember what happened, I’m convinced you felt better. We would meet once again that year, chance was on our side. A schoolyard if I remember correctly. We sat and talked. What was it that worried you? Why do I remember having the conversation and yet I cannot remember the nature of what was talked about? But I loved you. Back then I was convinced, what I felt for you was love. Pure affection, pure friendship, pure love. Who were you? Why is it that for me to hold your name would be the same as trying to hold a snowflake in my bare hands?

Years would pass, and while I am sure I saw you, from the corner of my eye, we weren’t together again for a very long time. Was it you that I saw hitchhiking? Or maybe you really were outside my bedroom window that one day. Why didn’t I run out to see you? Was it the price I had to pay for not knowing your name? Or maybe it was my punishment for having known the loving embrace of someone else. Know that if that is the case, I am deeply sorry for what happened. I am a mere human, and beyond our chance encounters that seemed far removed from reality, did I ever really know you? Please forgive me, in a sense it was you I was looking for. The sparkle in your eyes, the brightness of your smile, the smell I can now only imagine you’ve had. Without a name, without anything real, all I could do is try to find you in others.

Where were you when I needed you? You never were real were you? All these chance encounters, they were products of my dreams. I know that, I’ve known that for a while. But then, why do you still haunt me? Why is it that I can brush off the darkest nightmares, however I cannot get you out of my mind? Are you real simply because I know you, I’ve seen you? Then why, if you are real, have all our meetings happened in the realm of dreams? I want to look for you, but where do I start? Maybe I should sleep… Maybe you’ll be there tonight.


[Ok, so here's the deal: when I was a kid, I had this dream, it was about this girl I did not know. And apparently, there are no strangers in dreams, so, well, I find this all confusing. And she would come back in other dreams, she grew up as I grew up. It might just be a dream, but it's odd to think about having a dream grow up with you. And while the inner child in me hopes this means more than just regular dreams, I'm pretty sure she only exists in my head. But the same could be said about memories. So, this is my first real attempt at letting her story out in the world. I'm quite certain nothing will come of this, but sometimes, it's fun to dream.]